A Dark Night

Artist: Sara Robinson

I heard once that it takes seven years to complete a cycle of growth.

Seven years ago I experienced a series of events that would alter the course of my life.

The doctor told me it was clinical depression, which it was. I call it my dark night.

On the outside no one knew. 

On the inside I was moving through the deepest layers of grief I had ever experienced in my life.

It felt like I had been taken under by a tsunami of emotional turmoil that left me barely afloat in my day to day reality.

I was pretty good at suffering in silence that very few people close to me knew how much I was struggling.

For the most part, I chose to remain incredibly private. This privacy provided solace and protection.

I knew I needed support, but because I felt ashamed about my circumstances support was the farthest thing from my mind to ask for.

My response to shame was not compassion but one of punishment.

I had lost all my bearings.

I was out to sea with no land in sight.

The only thing that kept me tethered to some semblance of purpose was my work. It was my saving grace.

My clients became my purpose. My therapist and healers my family. My writing, creativity, and healing work - my life blood. 

The blessing was I was surrounded by tremendous support. Even though I was only able to take in small doses of it at a time, I had people in my life who were incredibly present, giving and caring, and I learned much by their example of generosity. 

I immersed myself. It was by far the deepest form of grief work I have ever done and none of it at the time felt like it made sense or had a clear cut outcome.

This phase of personal healing and transformation fundamentally altered the course of everything in my life that came after. It was the fertile ground that gave birth to a whole new way of being. 

Sometimes I screamed so loud I thought I would shake the person off of the healing table next to me. Sometimes it was months of soaking in the bath motionless and still.

Grief has no bounds. And yet in order to fully move through and integrate its process we need to find ourselves again by establishing new boundaries amidst indeterminable parameters.

Grief fundamentally alters you. It is a death. It is a rebirth.

I share this with you today because well, I can finally talk about it (a little).

The other reason is that I wanted you to know where From Guidance Within comes from. 

The personal healing and professional coaching work I do with women today was born out of this time in my life. The work I do today has roots anchored in the core essence of the dark night. 

I wanted you to know that even in the moments when you feel so disconnected from yourself, so utterly alone, feeling like you have lost all sense of who you are - there is a path.

This path is, at first, an ember from the fire that once was and it pulses within you. It is there emanating a warm, gentle light from within so that you will find your way again.

The biggest lesson I learned that year, and have been learning ever since then, is that the journey of healing is not solitary one. Though we must travel much of it thoroughly on our own, we absolutely cannot survive it alone.

In order to heal, to be able to arrive at a place within myself where I was able to reconstruct the life I longed for, I had to let go of every preconceived notion I had about who I thought I was.

I had to learn how to let others in, help care for me, and support me in my most vulnerable and shut down states. This required being seen and held at times that felt excruciating.

It required accessing a new found trust in myself and in the professionals I was working with. To learn from and allow multiple professionals to support me through. Plus all the many methods of healing I explored.

Healing for me meant engaging my inner process so completely that I could recover my creativity as a source of strength to learn from emotional states I could not yet fully articulate, understand or embody.

Healing was about remembering the places within myself that had been abandoned. It meant learning how to forgive and adequately tend to the places within myself that held on to hurt by practicing acceptance, patience and love.

I wanted you to know that even though you may feel as if everything in your life is stripped bare and you are silently dying inside, there is a pulse and it is beating for you.

And though you may have to convince every single cell of your being to stay the course right now, to somehow not choose to leave, I am with you.

I have been there and I will be your witness.

From Guidance Within was created in the spirit of unconditional love and to help you reconnect with the way of your soul. 

From Guidance Within was created for those who have struggled to feel their voice belongs and who know deep in their bones that there is something more than what they have been told about what success looks like.

From Guidance Within was created for the kind of woman who wants to feel the marrow of her bones come alive and to ultimately savor the depth of her life experience she is here to have and to share that part of her heart that is your creative life's work.

Healing is a path of remembrance. 

To remember who you are and why you are. 

For the sake of your life at its fullest and most free.

Over the last few years this deep dive process has grown to accommodate the need for a bridge between our soul creations and the very urgent need to have voices heard and visions shared. Supporting those who wish to take their creativity, healing presence and leadership into the next phase of professional growth and business development.

Yes, as a community, we help women build businesses, and this process begins with a remembrance of who you are as a human being first.

It begins with healing.

It begins with connection.

It begins with you.

Your business is a reflection of who you are and what you deeply value. Before you can successfully build a business that is aligned with your purpose in life, you need to honor what you value first.

You are the priority. 

Valuing yourself first and foremost is the foundation for real lasting change.

From Guidance Within is not a traditional business coaching and development course. It is a space for you to heal, align and create what wants to be birthed through you.

Many of the women who work with me share that they feel initiated. As if new hope, depth, capacity for vision and resilience was found from within.

Healing is slow. 

Real change takes time. 

The soul moves us through invisible spaces, so that we become visible to ourselves, once again, through new eyes.

From Guidance Within is a space for women to go deeper than before, to discover more of who they are and to create the body of their life’s work. It supports you in taking the next steps for your personal, spiritual and professional development from a place of deep connection, self trust and authenticity. 

It is my deep honor to be holding this initiatory space with you.

For you who is seeking and still wondering if From Guidance Within is for you click here and we can set up a time to talk.

Time is limited and registration closes Feb 8th, 2022. 

I hope you will stay in connection as I continue to share more about the journey. 

I look forward to hearing from you, as always.

With deepest love and care for you, 

Andrea